


So Much For Our Ever After

by hotdamnitsrenee



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Established Relationship, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, M/M, Songfic? Sort of?, this hurt to write, was based off songs from bare: a pop opera
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:49:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24117529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hotdamnitsrenee/pseuds/hotdamnitsrenee
Summary: There were a lot of things Sugawara Koushi regretted about that night and the days following; all the words said and everything not. From the stupid party, to the stupid parking lot, to the following practice, every word Sugawara Koushi said in the course of a few days he wishes he could take back. He desperately wishes there was a way to go back and rewrite his and Daichi's ever after, maybe an ending or two.Or, the Bare A Pop Opera inspired fic literally no one asked for.
Relationships: Azumane Asahi & Sugawara Koushi, Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, implied Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu - Relationship
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	So Much For Our Ever After

**Author's Note:**

> No one wanted this or asked for this. I'm sorry for this fic for multiple reasons. 
> 
> I drew inspiration from the musical Bare A Pop Opera which summed up in as little words as possible is a show about repressed Catholic kids being irresponsible teens and it's really fucking sad. 
> 
> I sobbed while writing and editing this.

There were a lot of things Sugawara Koushi regretted about that night, starting with humoring Tanaka and Nishinoya by even agreeing to go to the party in the first place, a few days prior. They stormed into their gym with wicked grins on their faces, which led Sugawara to immediately jump to the conclusion that they were up to something, they always do when they walk in together. All it took was Sugawara tossing a glance their way before they started talking animatedly about how some of the other second years had overheard third years talking about a party, and how the volleyball team absolutely needed to go. 

Tsukishima was the first to speak up. “I’m not going,” he said, “I have better things to do than go and crash a party.” He turned away from the group, continuing to put his knee pads and shoes on for practice, dismissing the possibility of being persuaded into going. 

“I don’t think I’m going to go either,” Yamaguchi said, pulling things out of his bag over by the wall. “Parties aren’t really my thing.”

“Lame,” Tanaka hissed, crossing his arms and looking expectantly towards the rest of his team. 

“I’m not go-” Kageyama started to say before Hinata started jumping around yelling about how he’s going to tag along, which prompted a disgruntled Kageyama to say he was going too. Sugawara couldn’t think of anything those two could make a competition over. They were dumb, for sure, but Sugawara had at least some faith in them to not drink while at the party. 

Noya cocked an eyebrow while staring down Asahi, currently in the middle of tying up his hair. His eyes widened with slight fear as he made eye contact with their short libero. “Are you going, Asahi?” he asked, crossing his arms. Wordlessly, Asahi nodded in agreement, not wanting to argue with Noya, who would probably beg continuously until he agreed.

“I’ll go,” Suga heard himself say without much thought. Parties weren’t really his scene either, he figured he’d hug the walls of the room and nurse some non-alcoholic drink he’d most likely bring himself, not wanting to get slipped something. Very shortly after Suga’s agreement, Daichi piped up saying he’d tag along as well. 

Tanaka gave a smug grin towards the group of them that agreed, “Good, this Friday at eight, don’t be late.” 

Friday rolled around quicker than Suga would have liked. The more he thought about it, the more he regretted agreeing to go to the party, but he wasn’t just going to wuss out and ghost the group, he wouldn’t hear the end of it from Noya or Tanaka. Daichi let practice out a little bit early, which confused Ukai just a little bit, but not enough to ask what they were up to. They all dispersed, Daichi and Suga heading back to Daichi’s place to quickly get in the shower and freshen up. While Daichi was in the shower, Suga was rummaging through clothes in Daichi’s drawers to find something he could steal for the night, not having any clothes to wear with him. He pulled out a short-sleeved button-up he vividly remembered Daichi wearing to a family gathering he was dragged along to last year. 

“What are you doing?” Daichi asked curiously as he stepped into his room with only a baggy pair of sweats on. 

Suga looked up and felt his face heat up as he looked at the stray drops of water making his skin shiny under the lighting. “Just, uh,” he swallowed past the dryness in his throat, “looking for something small enough for me to borrow. If that’s okay.” 

“Yeah, no, that’s fine,” Daichi said, opening his closet to the shirts that actually fit him right. “I don’t wear any of that stuff usually. But it’s not like you’re going to be wearing it long anyway.”

Suga gave Daichi a confused glance before the motives of Daichi’s comment set in, making his face bright red again. “I’m going to shower,” he said, tossing the shirt on Daichi’s bed next to the slacks he wore to school. 

His shower was quick, and the two of them continuing to get ready was also fairly quick, after being distracted by a quick makeout session, stopping only because of Suga’s alarm that he set for 7:45 so they could head out and be on time if one of them lost track of the time. 

Kageyama was the first person who was at their designated meeting spot, a few blocks down from Coach Ukai’s shop. Daichi and Suga were next to arrive.

“How long have you been here?” Daichi asked the first year leaning against a wall of a building with a dark jacket thrown over a plain white shirt. 

“Not that long,” Kageyama replied, taking his phone out of his pocket to check the time. “Only like five minutes, don’t worry.” 

Noya came running up next, hair freshly gelled up and out of his face. “Oh, good, I’m not the last one here,” he said after glancing around the group gathered at the corner. Asahi and Tanaka came a few minutes after each other, leaving just Hinata to arrive before they headed off to where the party was being held, a place that Noya and Tanaka would not disclose to the rest of the group, making the argument that it would look cooler if they all walked into the party together, clearly disregarding the fact it was most likely going to be dark and no one would know it was them in the first place. 

At 8:00 on the dot, Kageyama whipped out his phone, dialing a number in a rush when the ginger middle blocker was nowhere to be seen. “Hey, dumbass,” he hissed after Hinata picked up. “Where are you?” 

“Not that far, Kageyama, I swear,” Hinata answered.

“Tanaka literally told us to meet here at eight, oh my god.”

“I know, I know!”

“Hurry up, Jesus Christ,” Kageyama hissed before slapping his phone shut. “He says he’s not far, but I don’t know what that means.”

It took around ten minutes for Hinata to peddle up to the group, clearly out of breath. “Sorry I’m late,” he said in between gasps for air. They left his bike down the street at Kageyama’s house, locked up securely.

Nobody cared when the group of them strolled into where the party was being held, the dark lighting and the blaring music disguised their arrival. Hinata dashed into the heart of the party with Kageyama not far behind him, yelling something that nobody quite heard. The rest of the group dispersed and Suga hugged the wall like he set out to do, feeling vaguely like a parent chaperoning a group of kids. 

The night was mostly a blur as nothing really happened until he got dragged out onto the dance floor and was being handed a brownie, that he ate without thinking about any possibility of it being laced with pot. Suddenly feeling a little bit buzzed, he set out to find Daichi, not caring about how they explicitly agreed that they were keeping their relationship a secret. 

Upon finding Daichi in the crowd, he grabbed his arm, spinning around to face him with a grin on his face. The way Daichi grinned back at him sent him spiraling into another world where the sound of the music, the smell of drugs and alcohol, and the sight of people suddenly washed away and it was just the two of them. 

“You’re amazing,” Daichi said loud enough so that Suga could hear him loud and clear.

“Why?” Suga yelled back, hoping Daichi could hear.

“I don’t know, you just are.”

Time seemed to move slowly as Suga leaned in with the intention of stealing a kiss from Daichi when suddenly time moved all too quickly and everything came rushing back as Daichi pulled away from him. There was a brief moment where the two of them just stared at each other, not daring to say anything, not daring to move as Suga registered what just happened.

Daichi motioned for Suga to follow him, saying something Suga didn’t quite catch as he walked towards the door. The two of them walked out into the parking lot, Suga already feeling himself being able to breathe a lot better than the crowded building they were in. 

“You can’t kiss me inside?” Suga asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I said I needed some air,” Daichi grumbled, reaching for Suga’s hand as he quickly pulled it away, shooting Daichi a look.

“It was fine three hours ago,” Suga said, thinking about the way Daichi’s hands roamed his body.

Suga suddenly found Daichi’s hand in his, and he looked up to meet Daichi’s dark eyes. “I know this world can have a place for us if we can try to find a way to trust that time will be kind. In a fantasy I dream awake, but reality is give and take. You take what you can, and give time a chance,” Daichi slowly walked them around the parking lot, continuing to murmur to Suga, suddenly stopping and turning to face him head-on, both hands clutched in his. “We have to wait until the world is fast asleep, I’ll wipe away the doubt and show you why we keep the best kept secret. The best kept secret of all.” 

Suga sighed quietly and said, “All I ever want is there in your eyes. They tell me I'm alright and I realize I always knew… We whisper words when we’re alone at night, I want to hear them in the morning light, and with love on our side, maybe we’d be alright.” With a small smile on his face he gestured up to the sky that was peppered with small stars. “Beneath a million stars there’s no need to pretend, I look around tonight and wonder why we can’t end the best kept secret.” 

Suga reached out for Daichi’s hand with a slightly hopeful smile that dropped as he said, “It’s best kept secret.” 

“Didn’t you see how no one in there cared?” Suga hissed, gesturing back to the building with the party. “A thousand people saw us dancing there.” With Daichi’s hands in his and hope trying to fill the frustration in his voice he added, “You have to give the world a chance!”

“A chance to what, Suga?” Daichi’s voice began to get some edge to it as he grew increasingly more frustrated with his boyfriend. “To see how deep it can cut?” A frustrated huff came from Daichi. “This is all a fantasy, then we go back to school. Just think it through!”

“I think it through and then you shut me out! _You’re such a coward!_ ” Suga felt his entire body tense up as soon as the words left his tongue. 

“And you’re a fool,” Daichi shot back with little hesitation, that seemed to hurt Daichi just as much as it hurt Suga, from the way he recoiled after he said it.

“You know, we can’t go on forever this way,” Daichi muttered after the anger slipped away. 

A small laugh escaped Suga’s lips. “All this forever, can’t you live for today?”

“We have to grow up, there’s so much more to love. It’s best kept secret.”

“The best kept secret,” Suga finally admitted. “I love you, Daichi.” 

Instead of saying it back, Daichi leaned in and pressed a soft kiss against Suga’s lips.

“I’m heading back in,” Daichi said after pulling away.

“I’ll be back in in a minute,” Suga replied before Daichi walked away, leaving Suga alone with his thoughts.

They don’t ever fight. Never once had they bickered this bad about anything, not even to do with the team, so the fact Suga could physically see Daichi getting frustrated with him threw him into some mental gymnastics. He didn’t want to lose Daichi, not in the slightest, he cared about him and their friendship too much, but this clearly showed they weren’t on the same page as Suga once thought. 

Small mumbling could be heard behind Suga, he turned and looked and a figure that vaguely looked like Asahi could be seen walking in the opposite direction in the parking lot. 

“Asahi?” Suga called out, hoping he didn’t mistake another guy for his friend. 

The figure seemed to perk up and look in the direction of where Suga was standing. He calmed down as the approaching figure did turn out to be Asahi. 

“Suga? Are you alright?” He asked after clearly seeing something on Suga’s face that said otherwise. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Suga quickly said. _It’s best kept secret._

Asahi skeptically cocked an eyebrow but decided not to question it. “Why’d you leave?” 

“The party?” Suga squeaked out as if Asahi would be talking about anything else.

“Yeah.”

“I was getting kinda bored,” Suga lied.

“Me, too.”

“There’s another reason.”

“Yeah?”

“It sucks to be ignored.”

A sigh escaped Asahi’s lips. “I know.”

Silence washed over them, but Suga’s mind was racing. Who cares what people think? We’re fine. One day he’ll wake up and realize that all he needs is me. 

“I’m dating Daichi,” Suga said, staring at the ground. He wanted to feel awful but he almost felt relieved. 

“What?”

“I’m dating Daichi,” he said again. “We have been for a few months now.”

“When were you going to tell us?”

“I dunno, Daichi wanted to keep it a secret, but,” he couldn’t bring himself to finish. “I think I’m going to leave.”

“Okay, I’ll catch you on Monday for practice then?”

“Yeah, bye Asahi.”

Suga walked away with an awful feeling in his stomach, from both his fight with Daichi and going against his wishes and telling Asahi about them. It isn’t like he didn’t trust Asahi, because he did. He trusted his friend to not say anything to anyone, not even Noya. 

He slipped back into Daichi’s house where all of his things were because he was supposed to spend the night with him. They were supposed to go to sleep together and wake up in each other's arms and pretend for a little bit that everything was okay. 

That obviously wasn’t going to happen anymore.

Suga slowly gathered his things and left the shirt he borrowed from Daichi folded up on top of his dresser. He slipped on a shirt from his bag and left the Sawamura house, somehow not disrupting anyone in there. 

The rest of the weekend passed without any word from Daichi, which made Suga even more nervous for Monday to come around. Walking into the school sent nervousness wracking through Suga’s core, and only amplified upon seeing Daichi on the landing of one of the staircases. He walked up to Daichi with a small grin on his face, trying to mask the nerves that made him want to throw up onto his shoes. Daichi greeted him like any other day, like their fight over the weekend didn’t happen, like Suga didn’t walk out of the party without telling Daichi goodbye like Suga didn’t take his stuff from Daichi’s place and just leave. 

Suga tried to avoid Daichi until practice but still tried to talk to him enough to not make it suspicious that something had happened over the weekend. For the most part, it worked, and everything was okay. 

“Suga, can I talk to you?” Daichi asked. 

Until it wasn’t. 

“Yeah? What is it?”

“I’m sorry about what I said, I just don’t feel ready to tell anyone about us.”

“Daichi, I can’t do this anymore. You’re all I have, and I need to talk about us.”

“Suga, please, you can’t.”

“I told Asahi,” Suga said in a rush over what Daichi was saying. 

“What?”

“I-I told Asahi, I’m sorry. I was just really upset and it came out.” Suga watched as Daichi continued to pack up his things, clearly mad. “Daichi, maybe this doesn’t have to be such an issue. In a few months, we’re going to be out of here, where it won’t be a problem-”

“No, Suga, this is always going to be a problem.” Daichi’s voice echoed around the empty gym, piercing right into Suga’s heart. 

“What are you saying?” Suga didn’t want Daichi to say it, but Suga felt it coming. He knew right then and could feel the tears starting to well up behind his eyes. 

“This… us… whatever… it needs to stop.” Daichi hissed. He picked up his bag and started to leave.

“You stand before me and I barely know you. Is it so easy to leave?” Suga followed behind Daichi. “Where is the boy who said I was his soulmate? Where is the boy I believed?” Suga’s voice gave an ugly crack as tears started to fall from his eyes. “We climbed an escape grown from seeds that you planted. You slew all my giants, ignoring your own, and now that they haunt you I’m left with my courage alone.” Suga placed a hand on Daichi’s shoulder and spun him around to look him right in his intoxicating deep brown eyes. 

“So much for our ever after,” Suga continued. “I thought the good guys would triumph, I trusted the hero.” Anger started to course through his veins and any filter Suga had was suddenly gone. He didn’t care, Suga was hurting and he suddenly wanted Daichi to hurt too. “I didn’t hear his goodbye. I guess it was lost in the talk of a straight acting coward.”

Suga watched as Daichi physically retracted and anger suddenly blazed behind his eyes. “Who are you to blame this all on me? You’re the one who went ahead and changed the rules. What? You found your way and now it’s all okay? Is that simple then? Really? You’re such a fool. It’s time to wake up, Suga, put away the fairy tales. The clock is striking midnight, can’t you hear. Not all tales have happy endings and we can’t keep pretending because there’s no such thing as heroes who are queer.” Daichi stood there heaving, tears starting to dust his eyes, out of anger or sadness, Suga couldn’t tell. 

They stood there not moving. Suga couldn’t tell how long they just stood there and stared for a while, both nervous to make the next move, all filters clearly gone. Anger and sadness ruined any chance of them working things out. Suga had a hard time processing things were truly over with him and Daichi. Every good time they had together, every dream they shared, torn apart because Suga was too stupid to just shut up. 

“So much for our ever after,” Suga finally muttered, tears freely flowing down his face and trailing down his neck. “You can’t be the same boy I followed, thought I’d always follow. You’ve hurt me more than you know. All that I wanted was _you,_ Daichi.” Suga choked back a sob, looking up to stare Daichi directly in his eyes. “You were my tomorrow.” 

Daichi just stared, not knowing what to say. “Suga… promise you won’t say anything to anyone…”

Suga turned to leave, not replying. He already said something to someone, he can’t take it back. 

The whole walk home Suga was wiping at his eyes as more tears replaced the ones wiped away. He kept thinking about Nationals, and his and Daichi’s dream to go there and play on those courts together. He choked out a sob as he realized that might not even happen. The entire team was going to get thrown off because of this. Because of him. Suga was the one to push and push until Daichi snapped, leaving things broken beyond repair between them. They were the captains, they couldn’t have this. Normally, thinking about the team is what would bring a smile to his face. Just thinking about playing volleyball with his friends was enough to bring at least a ghost of a smile to his lips, now it was the last thing he wanted to think about.

The next few practices were awful and Suga didn’t even want to think about their last few games. Words couldn’t describe how awful he felt every time he saw or thought about Daichi at all. He knew everyone could tell something happened between them but no one had the courage to ask, even as their team slowly fell right in front of their eyes. 

There were a lot of things Sugawara Koushi regretted, first being the way he ended things with Sawamura Daichi, second being the way he let his team fall to shambles, just barely missing their spot in Nationals, third being the way he didn’t even attempt to fix things between him and Sawamura Daichi, leaving their seemingly perfect friendship in shambles, beyond repair in Sugawara Koushi’s eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> stream bare a pop opera and follow me on twitter where i scream about anything i want to @waydwnhadestwn


End file.
